So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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