Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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