i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
