I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
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I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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