I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
