Got a toothbrush?
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
