Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
