She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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