I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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