There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
