Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
We were destined to go to rehab together
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Randomize
