the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
