forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
