Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Who died my cat blue again?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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