Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
