hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
