Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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