My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
