are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
