Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize