no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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