just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
