im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
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i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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