He uses pillows to masturbate.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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