a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
