you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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