the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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