Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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