I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
