he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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