Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
