Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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