Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
