Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Randomize