u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
