I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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