I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
