You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
