I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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