i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
