Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
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