My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
