some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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