i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
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