the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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