Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
