party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
