Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
