sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
she pinky promised me she was 18
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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