so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
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i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
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She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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