that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
