Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
