I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
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