And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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