Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
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