I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Randomize
