Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
