Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
