By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
