just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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