I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
