I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
