Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
