Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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