His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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