Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
