How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
