I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
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