I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
