Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
