Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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