are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
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