mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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