Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
