forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
