alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
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VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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