that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
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Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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