I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
